Coming Clean---Jesus and the Samaritan Woman

                                                      

This story depicts Repentance and all who are willing to receive it.

It’s not about Judging, neither was it about condemnation.

Jesus simply stated facts, the truths about this woman’s life.

And you know one beautiful thing about it all?

She asked, and she received.

It was so beautiful when I read it again. Do you ever read the bible and then you see that passage in a new light? You feel the gooseflesh, the awe, the beauty and glory of God and all that surrounds it.

Jesus was here to redeem us.

And he’ll be here again, finally to perfect us.

He’s coming soon.

But we need to come clean.

She was ready, She got curious about this Jewish man asking for water from a Samaritan.

It’s unheard of. People don’t do that. The Jews and the Samaritans had different mountains of worship.

But a greater than Abraham and Jacob, their fathers was there.

He was right before her, He was ready to reveal himself to her, remember Jesus told just a few people about who he was.

But after she came clean, He told her.

She said to him. ‘’I know that the Messiah is coming (who is called Christ) When he comes, He will tell us all things.’’

Jesus said to her. ‘’I who speak to you, am He.’’

Period.

That’s all she needed to know. That’s all we need to know and believe to have eternal Life.

For God so loved the world that He gave me His Son, Gave US his son. That whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

She came clean, it was a criteria needed before Jesus could reveal himself to her.

Jesus said, ‘’Go call your husband, and come here.’’

Jesus knew the truth, but he wasn’t pushing it.

And the woman was truthful in her response. ‘’I have no husband.’

He saw her heart, and since He stands at the door of our hearts to knock, he did, and she opened it readily.

Is the Father calling anyone today to repentance, He doesn’t condemn you so why Should I? Why should anybody who doesn’t know your life history or what you’ve been through do so?

Only God has a right to, because he formed you.

But guess, what, he doesn’t condemn you if you come clean today, He’s waiting with arms wide open to receive you.

It is well with you all.

Okay, here goes.....

                                                       



First things first...

I'm sorry.

I really am.

For leaving this blog, leaving you guys without even giving any explanation whatsoever.

Who does that?

Sugarspring does that...#coversface

Okay, some people caught me redhanded on twitter and someplace else...

I can't start explaining stuff but I know you guys will see me.

You should, you're more than worth it.

As for that my last post since June eh..., hmmmn, did you people send me email address for the aproko gist?

So how do you want me to deliver..
Before i forget sef, i don't gossip, so sorry, no telling you stuff

To be honest, i think I've even forgotten the motive behind that post. Something must have triggered it

Oh, yea, now I remember, but...it's all gone :)

To all my sweethearts out there, I love you still

Much love!

Facts to always remind ourself about

                                            
John 21v21:
Peter seeing him said to Jesus: But Lord, what about this man?
Jesus said to him. ''if i will that he remain till i come, what is that to you? You follow me
Then this saying went out among the brethren that this disciple would not die, but "if i will that he remain till i come, what is that to you?''

From the above what i can deduce is this:

Mind your business!!!it is very important and beneficial for your health both spiritually and physically.

Assumption is not the truth. Just because someone acts like or claims to be a christian without acting it out doesn't make him so. The Bible says by their fruits you'll know them.

Have you ever wondered how much gossiping has improved your life? well if it hasn't, why do you bother your head about so much on the internet that doesnt edify, or with things that get posted up with the aim of dragging traffic to the site/blog and wounding other people's conscience?

Please, beware of what you read and post, Not everything edifies while some are just arrant nonsense.
Anybody can read and quote the scriptures but it takes a spirit filled person to interpret what God is saying through those scriptures.

When you wound the conscience of a fellow brethren, you sin against Christ. Not everybody is matured yet. some are even still babies while some need a good guide.
so why make them fall by quoting scriptures to justify your wrong interpretation. Don't forget you'll give account.

Yes, i know you can do all things through Christ that strengthens you but please don't indulge in things that could even make your lips sin against God.

A recent post came up on net about a very sensitive topic and i didn't bother commenting because it's not my business, or is it?

Will it improve my life?


Will it make me rich?

Will it draw me closer to God or better still, does it even make me a better person?

I'm not even supporting anybody in all of the above but what i ask myself is...

"what was the motive behind all of this?''

I just had to post this. it's a long awaited post and whoever feels i might be referring to a particular blog or site, ..well, don't assume. Just ask #wink

the Darkness is Here, don't let it take over

    
                                               



Okay, you guys asked for a post, here it is

 I'm sorry for the whole backing away thing. Just didnt really have the time and i dont just want to post anything...as you guys know me na...hehe
Tomi!! ku ise oo for yabbing my long signature post..lool

Okay, i dont know if you guys have noticed the several ways the Devil is actually gaining access into people's lives, people are getting dumber, Their foolishness is getting pretty obvious and awkward and sometimes you wanna cry out that
WHAT IS GOING ON Oh LORD!!

Sometimes, i hear some news, see some obscene things on the screen popping up or in my yahoo mail account and then i hear of other things that shows that this world is on a serious downward spiral.
People have said the End is at Hand
Another said, "this is even just the beginning as there is still more to come.''
And so i ask for your mercy oh God cos sometimes i doubt myself and my strength.
Can God depend on me the way he depended on Moses?

If you read a lot and watch movies, you'll notice the new rave for Supernatural stories. Humans coming in contact with the dark parts of this world. i go over to amazon and when i read a synopsis of enthrilling hard cover novels, what i see is really outrageous
Where does that come from?
Angels and Humans having falling in love and having sex?!!!!! Now that is propestrous
check again...Humans and Demons having sex!!!! that is what IT IS!!!
please tell me what vampire love stories are about.... and you know the funny thing, the Christians are getting tangled up in this "thing too"
Vampires are dead creatures, please take note. They do not Live. if you're very familiar with Vampire movies, you'll notice their conversations and what they say.
They have to die first after being bitten, that process is painful and you see them convulsing. Then there's a rebirth, they come back to life, looking pale..and hungry for blood.
Please, is this not demonic?...if its not, it's not divine in any way

                                              

I ask for an answer and not a fight oo...
 it's not a debative topic

The Picture above is an example of such books.

You know what really hurts me about all of this? the Teenagers seem to be the scapegoats these days...any wonder why so many cases of homicide and suicide is bound to occur?

These things are very plain to see if we can just open our eyes and see. i observed that except the Holy spirit opens your understanding,you cant see anything!!! i tell you. and it's pathetic when the children of darkness are smarter than the children of light.
I say it everytime beloved, Light and Darkness are two opposite things. there's no way you're gonna be mixing light with darkness and expect something.
You are either Light or Darkness!

please join me and let's read this together:
Genesis 6
Now it came to pass, when men began to multiply on the face of the earth, and daughters were born to them, that the sons of God saw the daughters of men , that they were beautiful: and they took wives for themselves of all whom they chose
and the Lord said, My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, for he is indeed flesh: yet his days shall be 120yrs...
if you read continously, you'll discover the rest of the story, what happened? giants were on the faceof the earth!!! as a result of intercourse between fallen angels and humans...

Now please check out most of these teenage novels and hollywood and you'll see the blasphemous things that are being conjured up through the heart of man.
We have confidence when we see the rainbow. the Lord isn't going to destroy the earth with flood anymore...
But will you be part of the people that will face judgement with the world?

I pray, cos i'm not miss perfecto either but i love saying what i see that is wrong even if the world is painting it to be good. I get carried away too. Lets not lie to ourselves, those books and movies are enticing, interesting and they are the highest selling of all time. but you and I know the truth within ourselves.
Need i mention the theme for Harry Potter? I had to stop watching it after God opened my eyes to see somethings. it took a while believe me..hehehe, cos Twilight too carry follow, but nah, it didnt have a grip on me.

Need I mention more? i think we know the rest...

You know what you can do to ask yourself if what you're presently doing is right? ask yourself if Rapture should take place right at that moment, will you be caught up along with it?

Someone once told me that what you dont know cannot kill you. Well, i dont know how many believe in this, but I DONT!! well, maybe one time like that i did, but now, i don't. Most especially in a place like earth. Infact, the devil feeds on your ignorance.He actually doesn't want you to know the truth but to remain in DARKNESS. If Eve really knew what God told her was the truth, she wouldnt need to hear anymore. But the devil asked her the same thing God told her not to do!!! viola!! and that was when she started thinking and wondering about what God told her.

I ask you, if poison is put into someone's food and he or she eats it, wont she die? well, its that simple!! and Proven!
it is the truth that you know that sets you free. Don't just ignore the fact that..."oh well, i'll just watch and forget about it'' What you should ask yourself is.."the person who made this movie or sang this demonic song, what was his/her agenda? why does he try to pass the message to me through the media? is he trying to achieve something?

A friend has accused me of analysing things too much...well, not all that glitters is gold. The BIBLE says watch and PRAY.

I wont be a victim of such..

If the gospel can be spread through the TV, if people got healed through the Tv, well my mum received Salvation through the TV and so her reason for not watching all those incantative yoruba films....hehehe. She cant stand iranu on TV at all cos she believed the same technique that made her receive Christ could also be the Devil's box to initiate more people.

So, what more are we talking about?

Not saying TV is bad ooooo, don't get me wrong, but please don't feast your eyes on what isnt important. There are some things that aren't worth our time at all.
Like my friend would tease me a while back in school.."You are doing blah blah eg watching TV, doing make up etc while souls are perishing.''
We would laugh together at the statement but i believe its the truth. we just don't like hearing it all the time

Okay, I hope I was able to reach someone with this. I wish I could post more cos living the life of Christ takes the grace of God.

Don't let anyone tell you any different!!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS...you know i do...hehehe..it was my short update that made me realize that you guys gbadun my long post and i have a family here fa!!

And so...

                                                  

 


I was told to update my blog
and here it is!!
i missed you guys
Missed out on all the blogger drama!! sheeesh!! such abusive words from people..
i think people are angrier than we think them to be
okay,
Update achieved.
Love God and hate the dark side!

Now, am i awesome or what?

                                                            
                                                           



Heyo!!
Lool...Wow,
Guess who got another liebster?
Me, Myself and I...How Awesome can a Girl Get huh?
these people want me to spill sha by fire by force..ok oo.., i will be doing so small small
the more the awards, the more the spilling...

Depends on the mood though.lool

I've been tagged again and I'm honored#chinese bow# cant speak mandarin but just accept the courtesy for now Miss Relentless and Dami
The both of you are darlings..xoxo!
k...here goes
RULES

1. Thank and link back to the giver
2. Answer the giver's questions
3. Nominate 5 other blogs with fewer than 200 followers
4. Ask five questions for nominees to answer
5. Post it on your blog

      Questions by Miss Relentless

1.
Name one little thing/activity that is guaranteed to make you happy

Wow...lol..this is hard answering right here.k... lets see...if God can clarify that i will make heaven, that happiness sure die!!!!!and STAMPED GUARANTEED!

But in terms of physical stuff, If more women/ladies can realize their worth, stand up for their rights and let men know they're worth more than video vixens, cheap sex slots which can be bought for 9k and so on and please God by honoring him with their bodies, then that would make me happy and stop those silly boys and men from running their mouths like TAP!! and respect women so much more.
I value integrity in women. A lot!!
k, i said it...i just had to

2.
If you could go back in time, what would you change about your life

Well, I wish i could have done so much more, would have played so much more and loved so much more..., not take myself too serious and take life easy. and i wish had pictures of every moment captured about my life. i'd love to have memories of who i was and compare with who i am now.

3.
 Facebook or Twitter and why?

 Wo! my dear, any of the above ojere. i'm not that crazy about reigning social apps like that. it comes i use, it goes, it has gone niyen. i've been on twitter since which year and i just drop by sometimes.

4.
What is a deal breaker for you in a relationship with your significant other?
hahaha....#grinning with a blush# i go with relentless on this.


5.
What is the relationship with your siblings like if you have siblings?

Older siblings which are guys or men rather..., I play with them and yab them a lot and they can like to ask me 'if i'm drunk.'hehehehe
We go as far as wrestling too...hehehe..not anymore though..and please dont look at me like that. a girl needs to show how strong she is sometimes..#sticks tongue out#

Dami's questions
1.
 Describe yourself using your physical features only.

wow! Dami why naw..ok..i've heard several times i look so gentle/quiet on the outside. my facial expression is the type that makes you doubt that i would talk or say anything.
i have small eyes and my smile comes easy. i don't know my present height but i know i can be classified as an average height.

2. 
In one word, just one word - describe where you are now and where you wish you could be.
Lagos
Somewhere only me and God knows..#whistling music#


3. 
Which do you prefer: Harmattan or hot sun?
harmattan oo..cos i can still wear so many clothes and get warm. but as for hot sun.., if i decide to wear pant and bra outside, se they wont think something has happened? maybe not sha in this century..lool

4. Whom do you wish to meet out of your favorite celebrities?
haar, not a fair question oo cos they're so many.
let me start by mentioning Leona Lewis. gosh! that girl is one of the black women that i respect in the secular world. she's deep and she can sing. Her voice is so strong and her lyrics are so constructive they make you wanna cry. the first time i read the lyrics of bleeding love, i was in awe..lol, then came better in time, Happy and My Hands. 
she's beautiful and has beautiful eyes and a well defined face. i can recognize her voice anyway and she has me hooked on her latest "LOVEBIRD song' already
thirdly, ut of all her music videos, she's one of the women i know who doesn't dance provocatively and is at least decent to an extent.
others include: Jennifer Lawrence(won best actress at the oscars and her fall was so graceful..loool. the girl is just too blunt but i like her all the same) , Jordin Sparks, Joseph Gordon Levitt, Cece, Don Moen, Anthem lights, Casting Crowns, Denzel and so much more.., but that will be all for now

5. 
If you had to go back to school, which would you choose? Nursery, primary, Secondary, or Tertiary?
ummm.., i think it would be Tertiary. still pondering


So, i would just ask the same questions as Dami asked me cos i like her questions i guess
here are my nominees....

Simply mee
blogoratti, please come and answer your questions jare!!ahn ahn!
inyamu
Tamie
jhazymn
unveiling gold
northern girl
Toin, i just feel like giving you again abeg.loool.probably cos i just enjoy you answering questions
Dayor
Ema
The Passion Chronicles

I had to make it eleven since i had two awards...hope that makes sense sha..
P:S: Sykik!!! don't think I've forgotten ooo!! if you keep doing wayo for me, i'll keep piling up your questions oo!!..lol

Questions
  Describe yourself using your physical features only.

2. In one word, just one word - describe where you are now and where you wish you could be.

3. Which do you prefer: Harmattan or hot sun?

4. Whom do you wish to meet out of your favorite celeberities?

5. If you had to go back to school, which would you choose? Nursery, primary, Secondary, or Tertiary?


adios mi amigos!!! XOXO!!!
MUAH!

 

Heat and other stories

this heat in Lagos presently ehnn...chai!!..
it is something else. it can make you wonder what the big deal is with Mr. Sun..and you're like.."haba! it's not a competition now, you'll be the hottest of heavenly bodies which the earth revolves round.
i think of this and something pops up.."you're talking to the sun like he can hear you..thats where it all starts, why don't you talk to the ONE who created the sun. he can hear you.''
and so Father Lord, i pray you send down rain.'' xoxo

So many things have happened, from learning new things and from realizing that the only important thing in this life after its all been said and done is where we'll spend eternity. so many young people dying these days.., so many crazy things happening. incest rape, killings, and all sorts but i know one thing..
"I shall not be afraid for the terror by night nor for the arrows that fly by day.''

I'm learning to shut up when i should. gosh! its so not easy

Have you ever heard an incident or hear people talk and you're like



                                          


people dont fear God..mere man that today is a flower and tomorrow withers away and you talk like you own life itself.
what to do?
Pray for them, that God may open their eyes for the 'god' of this world had blinded them. cos come to think of it..Seriously!..if that person dies tomorrow, what next? will he still have mouth to talk?
well, just so you know...prayers cannot be said for the dead...once dead, you're gone.

I have so much more to write, i know i've been away for a while and i just had to put up something.
so apart from reading that a nine year old is reading "50shades of grey'' which is quite devastating enough most especially in this present world we're living in and making me to wonder why a housewife would write a book like that thinking children and teenagers won't get their hands on it and she's like..."oh no!..i dont want teenagers reading that book...'' c'mon! who are you fooling?
even me myself moi is like WT!!!!!! is this and how come people think this is okay?
Well, guess what Madame!!!! loads of kids will get their hands on that book and the world can say all sorts for all i care but know one thing.."you reap what you sow.''
We shall all give account of everything we do either you like it or not, believe it or not...

Sigh***
okay, I don't know why i just spilled all that right now and took it kinda personal..maybe its because i'm a little angry at the way we take little things for granted, or the way people keep coming into the pharmacy knowing they''re hurting themselves with whatever they're doing and are bent on doing what is in their heart.
or maybe its because people are trying to be diplomatic and cover the truth.., put into the bible what isnt there, or try to make God conform to their own ways than they conforming to his
its NOT just right
God is more than all of this, more than what you can ever imagine and is NO respecter of anybody! Yes, he is LOVE..HE reallyyyyyyyyyyyyyy LOVES US SO..but a time will come when our cards have to be placed on the table.

If it's not godly, it's not, don't try and make it look that way. Don't give us bible verses or call God's name to make people sit comfortably in their seats. Dont try and tell me 'we're helping God.'' or "we watch porn to improve our sex life.''
Well, the bad news is..even the people right there in the porn act need God's divine intervention.

oh...you dont believe me? you think it's normal for adults to have sex for the whole wide world to see all in the name of money? and people have gotten depressed afterwards and fallen into sin?
You think its just TV? you think the world runs on its own and whatever happens happens? You think the whole antagonism against God is just normal and its "one of those things?''

Think again!

You can never be warm or you get spewed. You are either Cold or Hot! shikena!
You are either for God or the Devil...no small small, little little.."thats the way we roll baby.''

Satanists are not ashamed to talk about their master, so why should you? in fact they throw it into our faces everyday and yet God mutters to you to talk about him and you're like.."what will people think?''

People call God or talk about God or talk about Purity and it's seen like ewo!!..abomination..kai!! it is impossible.
well, tell that to your creator when you get there. if it wasn't possible, he wouldn't have sent Jesus, and He wouldn't have requested that We be holy, and we should present ourselves as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable.
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God!

 A Lady or Guy says he/she wants to keep herself and the thing is all over the news and people are like.."umm..haar...hoor.., he probable prefers having sex with men etc.If that same person becomes a dog overnight, the same paparazzi are the ones that will carry the scandal o! yeye people
Do not cast your pearls before swine my dear..Yelz! the bible says so. Those people that cannot understand what you're doing and want to bring you down with them.

Dont bother arguing with them.

Just pray for them abeg. You don't convict people of their sins. God does and it's who he wills that will come to Him. Do your part and leave the rest for God.

Me i'm not claiming Perfection ooo!!..or Holy Miss or Saint stuffs, in fact, i'm asking God for mercy and grace knowing i cant do it on my own and if i continue my nonchalant attitude, i will meet with my maker one day and everything i've done, coded and uncoded will be displayed.
my motives for doing things, my actions and my words will be passed through fire to be tested.

Whoosh!!! Now this is a long post...
How i got all this out, i don't know...
ok..see ya!

The Second Liebster came with assignments...

    

                                                  
                                           
Just look at me with my award all shiny and gleeful


Yhello!!! yeye network
howdy 
I was given another Liebster Award by toinlicious toin babay..
The way the girl came up with the licious part sef..it gives us a hint about the way her mind works
"thank you for this award. it is appreciated'' muah!
she thinks I need to spill...i thought I had spilled enough already..LOL
okay, here goes

The rules are as follows

1. Thank and link back to the giver.

2. Answer the giver’s questions.

3. Nominate five other blogs with fewer than 200 followers.

4. Ask five questions for one’s nominees to answer.

5. Post it on your blog.

 

 1) What makes you happy and what are you passionate about?

 

Well, doing something I love..wink**

 

2) Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?

well, cant really remember but most def, there were so many upsetting times but nah, it doesn't really matter anymore i guess.

 

3) What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Go to the top of a skyscraper and scream like Jack in titanic

Well, I'd like to drive a power-bike to work, with my helmet and zoom off without piercing eyes!!..okay!! there!! i said it..LOL

 

4) If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

 Don't fall for crappy love stories like twilight. Vampire and werewolf boyfriends eat up their victims in reality, not fall in love or marry them.

Love and Serve God no matter what happens. Never ever give up on God

 

5) Would you break the law to save a loved one?

well, I could. you never know what you can do till you get into those shoes where you're left with that choice.

okay...so another homework..start selecting!

well, almost everyone on blogger has the liebster and has answered a question or two but lemmie just put some jara

 

1) Feyi..yes you again..sigh! i know you love me no matter what happens..hehe

2) Tomi love..naturalista modelle.."cos you concurred with toin i need to spill so gba question tie!#sticks tongue out#

3) Madam Priscy..you were able to dodge all the questions we asked the last time so please come hia!

4) Sykik..lemmie get to know you more

5) In the midst of her.. your true life story really touched me. almost brought tears to my eyes

6) Blogoratti...Okay, lets hear it from a guy

here are your questions

1) what would you do if you were told you were adopted (wierd question i know but it just popped in)

2) if you were told to give all for Love or someone you love so much, would you hesitate or just give all?(please be honest!)

3) apart from your current location, where else is your dream land?

4) if you were given millions and a timer to spend it all today, whats the first thing you would do with the money

5) If your house was on fire and you were given time to pick three things, what would they be?

*last question was inspired by a movie I watched..(Leap Year) but dont do ojoro oo

 so thats all folks

love ya!!

Traffic Lights

                                         

Have you ever wondered at the way God links things together in your mind and the light bulb just pops up and you know this is something extra-ordinary?

Imagine a road without traffic lights.

I grew up in a neighborhood close to the University of Lagos for many years as a child and I do remember there was a particular junction that lacked traffic lights at that time.

Believe me when I tell you it was horrible getting to the other side of the road where the two roads meet.

At a time like 7:30 to 8am when you need to get to school, that junction is as tight as the word itself and you could spend an hour on that particular road.

What was the reason for all the lateness and drama? Commotion

That junction lacked something. It had a man who tried to control the movement of cars trying to get to the other part of the road at the same time. Imagine a crossroad linking four different routes just to take one route leading to the university road!!

Such great commotion!!

And some years later, I’m back to that neighborhood and there’s just something different this time around.

It was so obvious

It had traffic lights

And right there, just right there at that moment when I saw the ease traffic lights provided, the light bulb came up.

That is exactly what the Holy Spirit does. Without him, life would be total chaos

Commotion and misdirection everywhere

A little fight here and there, coupled with all sorts of verbal assaults.

You could spend so much unnecessary time trying to get across a very important junction whereas, if you had the Spirit or paid attention to Him, you needn’t spend your whole life on the bus stop.

The HolySpirit is our traffic light

We refuse to obey and we end up facing the consequences.

I remembered a movie I watched a while back and it explained it further.

The Matrix

Two different worlds.  The matrix was the world they could do wonders (the computer) while they were plugged to a certain source that provided that ability.

That plug had better not be removed cos you’d die.

Some people died in the matrix when their plugs were removed.

The Holy Spirit is your plug. You just have to stay connected or you’d die. Period!

I guess that was what probably happened to me. I paid attention to the flesh. It happens though.

Jesus cried. ‘’Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani..meaning “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’’Matt 27v46

The flesh cried out at that moment of his life.

So did mine in my last post.

“and do not be drunk with wine which is dissipation but be filled with the Spirit” Ephesians  5v18

I have the best thing I can ever have in this life. I have Jesus in me and I have to keep telling myself that!!

“that you put off concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness’’ Ephesians 4v22-24

Its so easy to be like Peter. You’re walking on the water and then you see everything looking so overwhelming forgetting you have someone who’s there to hold you when you’re drowning.

You don’t need to struggle

Just look up to him.

And never get disconnected.

Never drop your gaze from his

And always obey the traffic light.

“But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts’’ Romans 13v14

So not easy, but by God’s grace, I’ll walk in the light Christ has provided. In your light we see light

PS: For the wonderful people who checked up on me and showed me what a hug or hugs are all about in my last post, I Love you. I really do. Your hugs warmed me up and showed me the meaning of friendship.

Krazan, northern girl, sykik, toin, tomi, lola,dayor, ibhade, feyi, aloted and che…

Your words were like honey drops.

Feyi, your music prescription was wonderful. I think you should be a music doctor..xoxo

Today

                                                         

I haven’t cried in this New Year, I’m trying to hold it all together. I feel quite better now

Its been a while. Well, not really cos I cried so much last year at what the words of dagger thrown at me by someone I cared so much about.

I imagine people being like music and the lyrics are what you really want to say to them. I don’t want to hurt them, but I want to tell them how I feel through the song I choose.

Why is it that people you care so much about are the ones who least care about you or rather, are not the ones who end up saying the soothing words you need to hear at a certain time of your life?

Am I that vulnerable?

I hope not

Someone says I’m getting better. Well, you wanna know the story of my former blog?.. I think I have the answer now, for those who care to hear.

It just wasn’t “it’’

I got scared.

That should be enough for now

It had a little darkness in it. The things I wrote when I felt I should just say how I feel, not knowing anything about this sort of comment and readers stuff.

Mindshade. Love God. Hate the dark side.

Puskov told me I’m getting better. I’m not the girl I used to be or rather, I’m starting to relate more with people and overcome my fears of getting too close to people.

But I realize I get too close and I end up falling flat

I fell today. Literally though. While walking since I was about to get something to eat. And due to the kind of person I was, I wanted to just run away to someplace.

And I did run…

Still, I didn’t cry..

Big girls don’t cry.

But they cut deep and swallow the pain. And that was what I did throughout today. Ignore it and pretend it never happened.

Bhollu walks confidently, like she owns the road. I walk pretty fast, and today when I walked fast, I tripped, lost balance and fell like a careless child.

Who was I running from by the way?

I’m going to watch my steps next time and walk like Bhollu, so that I don’t fall.

Or rather, I’d like someone to talk to while walking on the road. So that I’d walk more carefully

Walk like a lady!!...Act like one!!! They yell.

 I grew up among boys

 

I want to get a new Rx Coat

I’m sitting in the bus on my way home, and I sit by the window cos I just love the view from there. I can think and I can read blogs. But battery dies and I’m left to stare at the woman hanging the slippery fish on the road to sell and how slimy they look.

Ears plugged and all I can listen to is Simon Webbe’s Lay your hands and After all this time.

I don’t know how in the world they relate to me but It makes me remember a friend I had in school who introduced me to this artiste.

Our friendship didn't really work out...

Simon Webbe is black. If Kemi could check out what I was currently listening to, she’d call me black.

She thinks I’m white in a black skin.

Not the first person to say that to me anyway.

Jojo plays next and I wish I could just scream like her!!!!...

But I’d get tied up if I’m not careful. And then I remember the rate at which prescriptions from the Neuropsychiatric ward come Into the Pharmacy and I know that I don’t wanna know how antipsychotics and antidepressants taste like. LOL

And so I just stare and cover both ears while I imagine myself jumping on a bouncy mattress. I wanna jump high and bounce on the huge bed just for it to throw me back into the air.

I wanna run to that swing and have my best friend push me till I scream and laugh.

I just wanna be happy, not sink into the old me. the moody, quiet and secretive me.

The tears sting but I hold it back. 

“Shhhh” you shouldn’t do that in a bus for goodness sakes!!

The BRT is about to come to a halt at my bus stop and I’m back to reality.

I stroll to the door and I can tell the ticketeer is looking at my “look-alike dreads”

I have to loosen it. I didn’t intend on it becoming that way.

The bike man says something and I crack a smile after a while.

I get home and stepping inside the gate, I can hear the door to my house opening.

That’s how quiet the place I live is.

Someone is home, and its my mum. She opens right from when she hears the gate opening.

I can tell she’s concerned about what I went through today and she wants to offer her shoulder

I’m grateful to God for that.

By the way, this happened Yesterday.

Memoirs of a vulnerable Child